I quit.
I am done dating. I’m done trying to keep an open mind and heart. I’m doe asking about someone’s parents, children, job. I’m done fighting my urge to just stand up and run away, back to my lovely little space to listen to podcasts and do puzzles. I don’t want to do it anymore.
This desire for companionship, friendship has been getting met with women friends. The desire for sex has just LEFT me. I watched porn the other night, trying to motivate myself and it seemed just really odd and ridiculous. This appendage gets stiff and then gets stuffed in and out of different holes. What is that all about? How did this seem interesting or fun to me? It’s just odd and kinda gross.
I’ve been wanting a best friend to laugh at the same stuff with. I’d love to travel and share the expense of the hotel and have someone else navigate getting there and parking the car. But really, if I have to wade through the chaos of someone’s home or smell their breath , it is so not worth it.. So, I am just going to save more money and pay my own way when travelling. I’l chat with strangers if I want or write y’all when I’m feeling like sharing some thing. Some of you will laugh at my jokes and opinions. others will cringe. But I won’t have to fuck you or talk with you before I have coffee in the morning. What a relief.