Heebie Jeebies
I just got home from my 5th out of 6 shifts at my overnight caregiver job. If you haven’t heard, I’m just really kinda hating the job. I want to quit but 1. I am a whore for the money, 2. She adores me 3. There doesn’t seem to be anyone to replace me. So, now with two caregivers down with the Covid, we are all on hold to see if we all get it. The job pays well for sleeping but it doesn’t pay well enough for me to be the only one available to do every overnight shift while waiting to see when it will get us. She woke up coughing, tested negative, but I’m not convinced. I’m very much a hypochondriac and a germaphobe. I’m creeped out for sure. It makes one think about aging and who will be there to care for us. This woman is relying on her long time ex girlfriend who is some kind of saint. If I am in the same position, I and unable to off myself I sure fucking hope Joy shoves me off a cliff or at least opens windows and pulls off my blankets on a hot night after roofying me. I would never want to burden my loved ones like this.
In the meantime, what a gorgeous day. Woke up to about 4 inches of fresh snow, which is an awful lot for us here. And on March 2nd, no less. I’m home, feeling good, tons of food, Netflix. puzzle, good book. All is SO very well right now.
As of last Monday, the elder care situation in my household finally came to a close. I expected Pam to be exhausted, disoriented, and emotionally drained after the death of her mother. I did not expect myself to have much of a reaction. But I am also lethargic, no energy for mundane tasks, sort of running into walls. Just shows you how much psychic energy this work takes even for someone (me) minimally involved in the daily care.
Your job conflict will resolve on its own at some point. What do you want to do after you are no longer needed there?
Covid is real and those tests are bullshit. I just had it for 22 miserable days. Missed 9 days of teaching. You don’t think you can get a less hateful job? I think you can. You’re delightful!