Disappointing humans
I’m feeling very disappointed in people today. Just saw my friend at the YMCA for the second time without a mask, while having a serious cold. Last time it was covid 9 days in. When I asked her why she was there she replied that she already has had everything and now it is just a cold. I said, I don’t even want your cold and waved her away rudely. I would love if people would stay home when sick or at least wear a mask if they must go inside, which I’ve seen her do OFTEN. I guess that was only to protect herself, but now that she is the sick one, she seems to find it unnecessary. I ran the scenario by a friend to check my reality and she weighed in on she’s probably not contagious. I guess I’m being a germaphobe. I can own that. I really prefer not to get the 8 month old grandbaby sick, or the old woman I take care of. Also, I hate being sick. My friend said in response to me being so disappointed in people so much of the time, that we are all so flawed. I’m guessing my flaw is not not thinking I’m super flawed!! It would be funny if it weren’t true. I don’t claim to be perfect, but I sure do my best. Maybe everyone is, but I don’t think so. Certainly my selfish friend who is exposing everyone to her germs is not doing her best.
I wrote that a few days ago. I’ve settled down a bit. Lots of women I know are really into this Family Systems thing right now. When venting my frustration to the friend the other day she suggested sitting with myself and identifying where my judgemental part came from. When did it first emerge to take care of me? I was steeped in judgementalism, almost religion in my childhood household. But I’m not sure that has much to do with me judging people for going to the gym while sick. I think that is just bad behavior, happening now, not anything to do with childhood. Perhaps the severity of my reaction is blown up. My coping by venting to another and on here rather than being direct with the friend is neither effective or admirable, although I was pretty direct with her the second time… but clearly rude and frustrated. Not a way to build intimacy or understanding or friendship. So, what happens now is I like her less, I avoid her, and I feel more alone in the world. It isn’t great. I need better skills. There is an online class I want to take but it would cut into my Salsa Rueda time.
I’m sure enjoying the stock photo option on Substack. I put in “disappointing” and this pug in a blanket came up. Not sure if it is the correct image for this rant, but it was too good to not choose.
In Asia, where the culture is heavily weighted toward the good of the collective, and away from individualism, people have been wearing masks to protect OTHER PEOPLE from illness since waaaaaaaay before COVID. I will never fly on a plane for the rest of my life without an N-95 on, and I will never leave the house with the remotest possibility of contagion without a mask on. My students all wear masks in my classrooms. Fuck selfish people who don’t consider their fellow humans.